[SPEAKER_00] Dick is burning so dehydrated hadn't stopped. I don't know what I would have done a few cars went by but
[SPEAKER_00] Nobody stopped nobody would help. They would just slow down roll down the window
[SPEAKER_00] laugh at point
[SPEAKER_01] Take photos and it's beat off. I was on my bachelor party. Yeah, I got that part the big question is
[SPEAKER_01] How you ended up stripped and tied to a telephone pole dude
[SPEAKER_00] I have no recollection was supposed to be a few quiet drinks, you know
[SPEAKER_00] Then the absinthe came out. Then the coke came out. At least I think it was coke.
[SPEAKER_00] It got really out of hand. They made me finger a dog.
[SPEAKER_00] I teabagged an elderly lady in a bus stop.
[SPEAKER_01] Yeah, they sound like great guys, your friends.
[SPEAKER_00] Last thing I remember, I was stuffing a handful of mushrooms in my mouth.
[SPEAKER_01] Always a good idea.
[SPEAKER_00] Next thing I know, I wake up there with a deer gnawing at my balls.
[SPEAKER_00] It's a low point.
[SPEAKER_01] Why do you reek of perfume?
[SPEAKER_00] I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00] No, wait.
[SPEAKER_00] Shit, no.
[SPEAKER_00] It was a stripper.
[SPEAKER_00] I think. And a midget. Or a stripper midget. God, I've really done it this time. How am
[SPEAKER_00] I going to be able to say these vows, man?
[SPEAKER_00] Okay, that's the car I'm arriving in for the wedding.
[SPEAKER_00] You jump in and wait while I get changed quickly.
[SPEAKER_00] It's my father-in-law's.
[SPEAKER_00] Invisible bastard.
[SPEAKER_00] He loves this car more than he loves his own daughter.
[SPEAKER_00] This shit is wack.
[SPEAKER_00] Okay, at least I look...
[SPEAKER_00] like I'm getting married now I got a message from my best man saying he's in
[SPEAKER_00] a restaurant out of town if he's lost the wedding rings I'm gonna call him
[SPEAKER_00] come on pick up who do you think it is so-called friend you tied to a pole in
[SPEAKER_00] the middle of nowhere with no fucking clothes on we don't have time for this
[SPEAKER_00] now just tell me
[SPEAKER_00] You have the rings!
[SPEAKER_00] Unbelievable!
[SPEAKER_00] One thing you haven't yet completely fucked up!
[SPEAKER_00] Stay there! Don't move! I'm on my way!
[SPEAKER_00] Okay.
[SPEAKER_00] The good news is, he's in a seafood diner on the way to the church.
[SPEAKER_00] You step on it, we might make this.
[SPEAKER_00] Only that douche would be eating lobster at a time like this.
[SPEAKER_00] Oh shit, it's gonna start any minute.
[SPEAKER_00] Oh shit, no! You're trusting a car!
[SPEAKER_00] I WANT THE PAID JOB!
[SPEAKER_00] Please! You have no idea how much he loves this car!
[SPEAKER_00] He's going to literally castrate me!
[SPEAKER_00] You fuckin' idiot!
[SPEAKER_00] Oh, shit, no! You're trashing the car!
[SPEAKER_00] This is go-
[SPEAKER_00] You're gonna be so close.
[SPEAKER_00] Look out!
[SPEAKER_00] There's the prick there.
[SPEAKER_00] Look who it is. The worst best man ever.
[SPEAKER_00] Enjoy your seafood platter, asshole. You better still have those rings.
[SPEAKER_00] Yeah, chill. They're in my pocket.
[SPEAKER_00] Okay, let's go. We don't have much time.
[SPEAKER_00] Dude, dude, that's so loud.
[SPEAKER_00] One for the history books.
[SPEAKER_00] Do you have any idea what you put me through?
[SPEAKER_00] It's my wedding day, you dick.
[SPEAKER_00] I could have died.
[SPEAKER_02] It's a rite of passage, bro.
[SPEAKER_02] You'll be telling the great kids about this.
[SPEAKER_00] I told you.
[SPEAKER_00] you it was a dumb idea to do it right before the wedding what no who laid this guilt trip on me
[SPEAKER_02] about tradition a couple of beers you said we did only have a couple of beers man it was all the
[SPEAKER_00] other shit you always have to take it too far why the fuck did you strip me you strip yourself man
[SPEAKER_02] you don't remember what don't worry it's all on film you were totally strung out embarrassingly
[SPEAKER_02] so way into the dark side
[SPEAKER_02] The fear had you dude and that was the point you thought it was a good idea to drive me from wilderness
[SPEAKER_02] And tie me up by myself. I'm not entirely sure how all that panned out to be honest
[SPEAKER_02] I was tripping balls after you fucked that tiny stripper
[SPEAKER_00] Okay, I don't want to hear anymore. Let's just get to the church. Oh
[SPEAKER_00] Man, he's so pissed off
[SPEAKER_00] Hurry hurry. She's gonna be walking down the aisle
[SPEAKER_00] Jesus this is gonna turn into a funeral not a wedding. I want to get there in one piece
[SPEAKER_00] Okay, I know we're in a hurry, but really oh lots of paint job, please you have
[SPEAKER_00] I have no idea how much he loves this car!
[SPEAKER_00] Oh, God.
[SPEAKER_00] Babe! I'm so sorry!
[SPEAKER_02] Dude, keep the car! This marriage is only happening because of you!
[SPEAKER_00] Holy frickin' crickets! You finally decided to show up!
[SPEAKER_00] As long as we are married, I will never forget this!
[SPEAKER_00] Babe, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
[SPEAKER_00] Come on!